Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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