If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
