you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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