Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
