What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
