so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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