The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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