OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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