Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
