You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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