What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
