I think i peed on brittanys purse
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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