She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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