I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
