I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
