i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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