He is an equal opportunity slut.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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