Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
