Pappa wants mamma naked
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
