just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
