U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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