No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
