Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
