i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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