I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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