Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
