just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just made my gag reflex go away.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
