i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
