why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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