The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
