It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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