Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
