He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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