I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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