guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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