Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
