This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
