He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
