4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
