there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
