Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
