this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
