I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
