gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
