i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
