you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
