I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
