you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
