Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
