Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
