none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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