i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
